I was wondering how I might get Acidman to read an entry about cats, but then Ryan (The Ward) gave me some inspiration. Earlier today he kicked off an entry about relationships and gave some examples of how women treat men like dogs. In the spirit of that entry here is what I’ve learned about women by observing cats:
1. When walking into a room full of strangers cats know whose lap they will sit in. Women already know who they’re going home with when they walk into a bar.
2. Cats are jealous creatures by nature and even in a multi-cat household a cat will prefer you stroke only one pussy at a time. The cat determines how long each stroking session should last and once they are no longer in the mood the session is over – period. If woman decides to invite you to a multi-partner extravaganza keep in mind it’s all about the ladies. “Also be sure to take plenty of B vitamins, that shit is exhausting”. (Christian, Nip/Tuck)
3. Cats have problems with misdirected aggression. It’s not unusual for your cat to attack you after seeing another cat walk by the window outside your home. They are unable to focus their aggression on the outside cat who they perceive as violating their territory hence the unexpected pouncing. When walking with your woman in public she may have the tendency to smack you upside the head if you’re looking at another woman.
4. Once you bring a cat into your home everything that’s yours also belongs to the cat. Don’t expect to share anything that’s already owned by the cat. When you finally decide to cohabitate with your girlfriend your things quickly will become “our” things and anything of yours that is not appropriately marked by said girlfriend will be boxed or thrown away. More specifically, just because you paid half of the grocery bill does not mean you get to drink one of her yogurt smoothies.
5. After living with a cat for a while you will discover that whenever you are busy the cat will want your attention, but the moment you want to stroke your pussy it will be asleep, hiding, half-baked on catnip or especially not in the mood. A woman will ignore you from the moment you arrive home up until you turn on the television set to watch Monday Night Football then she’ll insist on telling you about her day. Any responses shouted during commercial will be ignored as will your sexual advances later that evening.
6. When it comes to getting your attention cats don’t distinguish between good behavior or bad behavior, but simply the fact that you are focused on them. To a cat rubbing on your leg and scratching your leather couch accomplish the same thing – your undivided attention. Women will also dictate when they want your attention in the form of a kiss (positive) or by setting fire to your DVD collection (negative).
7. Cats pride themselves on their independence. Hence, they’re not easily trained, they don’t do tricks, they don’t come when you call, they prefer to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone to sleep. Women admire these qualities about cats and aspire to show you their grrl-power. It should be noted that this fiery independence so admired by women is quickly detested when present in a man.
Alrighty, that’s my list for now. I’ll be kickin’ around more reasons why women are like cats to update this entry. Men are like dogs, women are like cats.