Once again, I’ve chosen to step on the shoulders of someone else’s creativity as inspiration for today’s post. Actually today’s entry is nothing more than several jokes strung together, but it was Mr. Perry who gave me the idea to joke about cops & traffic violations. So without any further introduction…
A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.”
The man says, “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.”
“Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.”
“I can’t do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I’ll bleed to death.”
“Well, then we need a urine sample.”
“I’m sorry officer I can’t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I’ll get really low blood sugar.”
“All right then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.”
“I can’t do that, officer.”
“Because I’m drunk.”
Two men are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper.
The trooper walks up taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window and “WHACK”, the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, “What the hell was that for?”
The trooper says, “You’re in Texas, son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car.”
The driver says, “I’m sorry, officer, I’m not from around here.”
The trooper runs a check on the guy’s license, and he’s clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and “WHACK”, the trooper smacks him with the nightstick, too.
The passenger says, “What’d you do that for?”
The trooper says, “Just making your wish come true.”
The passenger says, “Huh?”
The trooper says, “I know that two miles down the road you’re gonna say ’I wish that jerk would’ve tried that crap with me.’”
Teach `em young.
A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn’t getting many. Then he discovered the problem — a 10-year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read “RADAR TRAP AHEAD.” The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket full of change.
Has anyone tried this?
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo — of handcuffs.
Tips for the ladies.
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, “I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen’s Ball.” He replied, “Highway patrolmen don’t have balls.” There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he’d just said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes.
A punchline I have actually used to get out of a ticket.
A guy gets pulled over for speeding. The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says “Listen mister, I’ve had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I’ll let you go.”
The guy replied, “Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought you were him and you were trying to give her back to me!”