I’ve been known to leave a comment or two when someone else spouts off about sex, dating & relationships so I figured “Hey!” that’s a perfect Monday afternoon topic. Actually I caught a tidbit on the radio this morning and after a bit of yelling at the DJ, I thought I’d exacerbate here… err… wrong choice of word.
Anyway, people ask me all the time “Why is such a lovely J-Lo lookin’ senorita with an average blogger geek like you?” (OK, they don’t ask, but I sure do get a lot of stares). I could elaborate on my tales of seduction, but the “Monkey See, Monkey Do” approach works best on cars not people. Here’s my best shot at a guideline for successful coupling:
1. Who are you?
Simple enough question, but how many people invest a lot of time trying to be something they’re not just to impress others? All the pickup lines, notables quotes, etc., make great icebreakers, but they’re just surface level tricks. When you run out of textbook ideas what are you left with? Best be comfortable with yourself before you work up the nerve to get comfortable with other people. Find a hobby, do some reading, get ahead on all that navel gazing.
2. You don’t have to get laid tonight.
Too many people put unnecessary pressure on themselves to get the girl or be in the relationship. Amidst all that rejection what they’re really missing out on is the chance to interact with other people. How many times has someone told you “Things will come to you when you don’t go looking for them.” Go about your business and don’t try to force situations so much.
3. Confidence is sexy.
How many people have been single only to get all kinds of play once they’re knee deep in a relationship? It’s simple, you carry yourself differently when you’re in a relationship and frankly when you’re single everybody knows it. Note, confidence should not be confused with arrogance. Nobody cares to hear you spout off about how great you are compared to other schmoes. Confidence can be as simple as not averting your eyes during conversation and that mumbling under your breath thing is the first habit you should break.
4. But I’m shy.
OK, so the confidence rule is all good, but what if you’re fighting a bout of extreme shyness. Let me tell you, been there. If you’ve got past #1 and you find yourself freezing up whenever you’re in public places then maybe you need to start small. Having a wingman (or woman) helps, but if you’re forced to fly solo try finding a social setting that fits your strengths. Be it a book club, cars, quilting, there’s bound to be some sort of social club to go with whatever hobby you call yours. I will say that overcoming the shyness thing takes practice, practice and more practice. The more you put yourself in public situations the less overwhelming they will become.
5. OK, I got the girl (guy) now what?
Congrats, you’ve earned unsolicited free sex and the right to exude “cute” behavior that’s sure to make all those around you puke at the very sight of you. The “honeymoon period” varies from couple to couple and it’s at this point a lot of folks are left scratching their head. Developing a relationship requires honesty to establish trust and mutual respect.
6. Every relationship is a work in progress.
There is no one-shot formula for success. Every relationship you have in your lifetime will be different from the one before it and any after it. What you really liked about one person may be a non-existent trait in another. Your tastes will change, YOU will change. Those that know me have heard my mantra – any relationship is about two individuals coming together to share common experiences and set mutual goals.
I probably should incubate this entry and proof the draft before posting… nah… we’ll consider this an ever-expanding text.