I’ve realized that I miss the structure of my youth. (My Dad just rolled over in the grave hearing that) The benefit of childhood is the worst thing in your life was chores & homework. Oh how we wish we could grow up faster until we realize how easier things were before.

My independence has gotten the better of me because frankly, I’m lazy. You, my loyal readers may think, “How is this possible? A.J. is freakin’ busy ALL THE TIME!” but alas it’s true. The laziness I speak of is not so much a sloth-like behavior as much as it is a lack of action or execution of an organized plan. The laziness I speak of is a cunning imagination that uses my busy schedule as an excuse in for not getting things done–things that should be considered more important that whatever has my attention at the moment.

It makes financial & fitness sense to buy some groceries, and prepare meals for the week, but it’s easier for the family if I just grab & go. Can’t really munch a salad while driving, it’s easier to chomp that chicken sandwich, or guzzle 3 Red Bulls. (Don’t tell my doctor, I’m on caffeine restriction) Regarding exercise, I have a legitimate excuse, pneumonia would keep most folks from taking up a fitness challenge. The good news is after three weeks of feeling like doggy-doo, an extra 7 pills in my daily diet has me juiced and feeling almost human. (I could punch through a plate glass window and not realize I just broke my hand)

Excuses make a whole lot of sense until you run out of them. I let my health get so bad that it’s a miracle I haven’t done any permanent damage. I thought about my Father while I was at the hospital last week. An avid smoker, he just couldn’t seem to break the habit even after successive heart attacks. Now, we know more today about the addiction of smoking than we did when he was alive, but the “cancer stick” motto was fact even then. It was after his second heart attack that he tried to quit. It was great for me, little asthmatic kid that I was, and I remember the pride in my father’s resolve to quit. I also remember the shame I felt when he started smoking again, initially asking me to keep it secret. Of course, it wasn’t secret for long, and by the time the third heart attack came along… well, I don’t really have much left to say on that. My father, grandfather, going back four generations of men, have all died from heart attacks. Oddly, in every instance, the first heart attack was caused by physical trauma (cue spooky music).

But here I am rambling again. Wave your hand the next time I do that.

As I was writing, my laziness is really more a patterned behavior of procrastination & excuses. I like to kid my wife, “I don’t procrastinate, I’m deadline driven.” The semantics of that argument work well in most things that have a deadline, but it hasn’t served me in this fitness thing. It’s just too easy to do other things. In my daily routine it’s just easier to focus on what my job requires, and what my family needs. I’d love a schedule, but the hectic routine of hunting down clients doesn’t leave openings for penciled in workouts. Frankly, I look around my home, and just think, “There’s too much to do.”

In summary, I’ve not much progress to report in this second month of fitness. My BMI is about the same, and surprisingly even with the pneumonia, I added weight since my last update–202lbs. Carlos posted last week about his challenges of staying on track while attending Imaging USA. Next week I’ll be in San Jose, CA, assuming I’m medically cleared to fly. We’ll see if I can meet the fitness challenge while out on the road.

If you’re reading Firgs’ blog (and you should be) then you know today she posted a shout out to the FPB, a space on the web where photographers from around the globe have gotten together to support & motivate one another to get healthy. I caught Carlos‘ announcement on Twitter earlier this month, and he had originally made the challenge to SWPB members. It’s no surprise that folks were interested, albeit reluctant to post revealing images of themselves. Today I join the ranks of those looking to get in shape. However, desire is not the same thing as achievement, which only comes with action.

I haven’t always been heavy, in fact, I was kind of the cute potbellied kid growing up. As an adolescent teen, I was always too skinny–like the kid in the comic book ads–and my father fed me all kinds of stuff to put weight on me. My favorite was the chocolate malt with wheat germ served up in a half-gallon container. I’d drink two of those a day as well as an assortment of potatoes, rice and plenty of starchy carbs. Still, when I graduated highschool I weighed about 125lbs, but I wasn’t so scraggly looking. I probably would have stayed skinny if not for the alcohol. Truly, I think that was the beginning for me. Nothing like alcohol to kill a super fast metabolism. Factor in all the things that come with being an adult, regular work hours which leads to money which leads to lots of partying followed by poor sleep habits exacerbated by a lousy diet all of which is ignored when you’re younger because “Hey! Why change things if nothing’s broken?” and it’s not surprising to me that I was in denial about my weight for so long. Let’s be clear, I’ve known I was getting heavier, but when I looked in the mirror I did not see the heavier version of me. My weight was not depressing me. When I looked in the mirror, I always saw my potential not my reality, and this time reality was going to slap me right upside the face.

I realized I needed to do something when I took a look at our maternity pictures taken last year. There was my wife glowing, and staring me down was a face I did not recognize. When did my head become so round? Where did my neck go? Did my wife & I really look like two tugboats bumping when we kissed? It was cute when Michelle was pregnant the way people kidded me about putting on support weight. That quickly turned to “WOW, did you get pregnant too A.J.?”, which didn’t have the same bit of humor. It wasn’t long after that my doctor put me on high blood pressure pills. Still the reality of my current condition didn’t inspire much of a change.

To quote Garfield, “Diet is DIE with a T on the end of it.” Let’s be honest, I’ve known exactly what I need to do to get healthy since last year. I need to eat better. I need to exercise. I need to use more calories than I consume. Pretty straight forward stuff, and yet here I am standing 5’6″ weighing in at 198lbs (which was a surprise as I weighed 215lbs at Photoshop World Vegas). According to Wii Fit, I’m considered obese with a BMI of 31.57, and as I write this I’m thinkin’ about Thai Food and a beer. Time my constant companion & most egregious excuse, just simply won’t bend to my control, or rather I’m not putting forth the effort to make it.

(Yeah, I’m suckin’ the gut in on the right. I do that subconsciously now, all the time, I have very strong ab muscles)

But then, I look at my daughter, and I think of my father who passed away when he was 57. I think of the history of men in my family ALL whom have died from heart disease. I don’t want to leave my wife & daughter before I am ready. In today’s world my daughter needs me more than ever to face the challenges life has to bring. So that’s it then. That’s my motivation. Lord willing, I’ll use that to make the changes I’ve been procrastinating for so long.

P.S. – If you really must know about the tattoos, you can read about them in this old post.