not my best day…

Not my best day.The hardest part about being in a relationship is at some point you’ll be you. Not the quick-witted party guy who spouts out one-liners faster than Eddie Griffith or the business professional that makes Corporate America squeal, nope, your girlfriend (or boyfriend) will see that vulnerable, insecure, whiny, brash version you keep tucked away, buried inside because weakness begets pity and who wants to take pride in their mediocrity? I always wonder who will be more disappointed when the “man behind the curtain” is revealed. But then I never forget their eyes; locked in mine, penetrating, branded into the back of my skull.

I find myself without the right words to communicate to you dear reader this thought that’s locked up in my brain right now. I’m angry and more importantly I want to revel in that anger. I don’t want to be cheered up, I want to be physically violent to the point of exhaustion until the last bit of energy I have is gone and my worn out body forces my mind to shutdown, to stop processing information repeatedly filling my heart with regret and wishing for a miracle I really don’t believe in anymore.

I’d go for a very long drive right now if I had any gas money…

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  • Lauren July 3, 2003   Reply →

    Although young and not extremely wise with such matters, my advice is to take a pen to a blank sheet of paper. Let it roll, you’ll be surprised [or hopefully enlightened] at what comes up.

    I’d say cheer up, but you said you didn’t want cheering up. So just up.

  • Ryan July 4, 2003   Reply →

    If you want to take an extraordinarily long drive, come to VA where we can become plastered, high and revel in our own stupidity while not being judged by our girlfriends who we will nonstoppedly bash and put down with no fear of having to deal with the mounds of shit that comes with such action.

    I could use some purging. Cept the only guy around me is a stoned porn f#cker whose only worries are where the five dollars are gonna come from to buy another bag of cheeba.

    I know exactly what you mean in writing that – I hope we both pull through and find some sort of higher ground to rest our lives upon. I dunno what you’re looking for but I still fear in my case I’ll never get it. Lates gator.

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