Must be a Monday.

Ever wake up in the middle of the night and immediately stub your toe getting out of bed?

Must be a Monday.

Ever take a whiz in the dark only to have the toilet seat slam down creating a resounding echo that is only muffled by you shouting “Geezus!” because you?ve now pissed on the toilet cover and the floor?

Must be a Monday.

Ever clean up your own pee at 3am?

Must be a Monday.

Ever decide there?s no point going back to bed because you smell like piss so you might as well take a shower and as you?ll be wide awake you might as well fix an early breakfast?

Must be a Monday.

Ever forget that drinking orange juice just after brushing your teeth is a bad idea?

Must be a Monday.

Ever pull up to the drive-through bank teller only to have your window refuse to open because it’s frozen shut?

Must be a Monday.

Ever wish you had just tied your wanker in a knot and stayed in bed?

Good morning loyal readers, join me as I recount the beginnings of my Monday. Not since I?ve lived in Detroit have I experienced weather that can change so dramatically in a matter of hours. All last week the temperature was in the 70?s and by Saturday I had turned on the air conditioning because the weather had become so warm & humid.

This morning the temperature was 25F°. I?m a cold weather person so I really didn?t take notice until I couldn?t open my car window at the bank teller. I couldn?t open my door either (as I was next to the building) so I had to drive around the building to get out of my car and use my driver?s license to unstick my window from the door panel. (TIP #357 for all you fair weather natives). Of course, by the time I pulled back up to the teller there was a line of cars thwarting my attempt to get to work on time.

Successful they were as the line at the bank teller was joined by the confusion that amassed once I left the bank. I say this because surely insanity is the only explanation for waiting three light changes to make my left turn when I was only five cars back from the stoplight. Riding that emotional wave like LSU?s defense car after car kept me from changing lanes or moving anywhere close to the posted speed limit of 55MPH once I was on the tollway. As I sat in traffic I had flashes of Office Space and said “No, I don?t want to be that guy.” unless of course I get the dating Jennifer Aniston perks.

Arriving at the office I stood in the elevator full of people waiting to get off on the 4th floor. I couldn?t help but begin mumbling incoherently as we stopped on the second floor, the third floor and then the 7th floor followed by the 12th floor.

It helps if you actually remember to push the button for your floor, but then it is a Monday…. *chuckle*

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  • Kimmy January 5, 2004   Reply →

    Aw..I hope your day got better. Mondays suck…especially cold mondays. I spent 20 minutes scraping the ice off of my car this morning and freezing my little fingers off. I thought California was supposed to be the sunshine state. =)

  • Lauren January 5, 2004   Reply →

    I feel for your horrible monday. I’ve got one more week of break before those return again 🙁

  • Kristen January 6, 2004   Reply →

    I hate those people that take the elevator to the 2nd floor. That used to drive me crazy when I lived on the 9th floor of my dorm last year. I would see totally in shape athletes doing that. Terrible.

  • Rhys January 6, 2004   Reply →

    Jeez, they should put the first part of this post to music, it’ll beat Bangles “Manic Monday” hands down!

  • Cyn January 6, 2004   Reply →

    Pobrecito, I swear nobody has Mondays like you!

    Here’s to a bright shiny Tuesday.

  • Roland January 6, 2004   Reply →

    “Ever wish you had just tied your wanker in a knot and stayed in bed?”

    Your what?

  • Cyn January 8, 2004   Reply →

    omg *dies laughing* I wish I could have seen Roland’s face. DAMN! Promise me you’ll repeat something like that when he visits me! And tell me in advance so I can take a picture. hehe.

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