Authenticity is the Freedom from Other People’s Expectations
Years ago, while presenting at Adobe MAX, an attendee approached me after a group conversation and said, “You are so much nicer than the first time we met.” When I asked about our first meeting, the person said, “Oh, you were walking through the halls. I tried to get your attention, and you totally blew me off.” They had decided from that moment that my online identity was a complete fabrication, and I was, in reality, a jerk.
After sharing their story, I admitted I didn't recall our encounter, that I certainly didn't mean to be dismissive, and was probably focused on something else. Everyone has daily interactions like this: an event occurs, a judgment is made, and that individual is cataloged for future reference. If you doubt me, think about how quickly we reduce strangers to single moments during our daily commute.
The challenge is that one moment does not completely define a person. Maybe they're having a bad day and acted poorly. Maybe YOU were having a bad day and reacted poorly. No one really knows you. They only know their perception of you based on limited moments and incomplete context. The family version, the professional version, the social media version. The version you present to your parents, the one curated to your various friend groups. The person you share with your spouse vs the person you are with your kids.
Social media amplifies this problem because people are no longer judged through isolated experiences. We are now evaluated through a continuous stream of curated moments, partial context, and algorithmically rewarded behavior. This leads us to tailor content to platforms, optimize it for algorithms, study engagement metrics, and slowly learn which versions of ourselves audiences reward most. The approach makes sense if you’re a business. It’s frustrating when you’re simply catering to everyone else's needs. It’s exhausting when managing perception becomes indistinguishable from maintaining relationships.
Perhaps authenticity is not about presenting every version of yourself equally to everyone. Maybe authenticity is simply allowing yourself freedom from other people’s expectations, as they could never fully know you anyway. If we stop confusing visibility for intimacy, it would go a long way to improving our mental health.
“Here's to you. May your life be as awesome as your status updates lead us to believe.” – A.J. Wood
