If You Set Yourself On Fire, Do Not Run…

Visited Christilina yesterday and she pointed to this forum link. It reminded me of Fight Club and the replacement brochures they put on the airlines. I copied part of the thread here as the forum admins were looking to pull it. All comments below are directly from entries in that forum.
If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.
If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.
In case of nuclear radiation, stand directly behind your door, but do not open the door, even if the radiation knocks.
If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.
On second thought, go grab a pint at the pub.
Watch TV, surf the net and listen to music ’round the clock.
Radiation lives in fallout shelters.
On your knees before God smites you!
In case of flames bursting out around door, DO NOT leave it shut. Always open flaming doors.
In this time of war, real Americans eat red meat only! Fish and poultry may be terrorists. To get away from a terrorist attack quickly, take the stairs once in a while, fat ass!
Always have your digital camera on hand so in the event you see a nuclear explosion, you can pull off the road and take some snapshots.
“Wash your hands” of traditional long distance providers. Verizon has a new plan made specially for people like you.