Finding my groove…

Woo Hoo! Yeah Me!

If I could go back in time and do this all over again I suppose I would have chosen a slick alias or at least thrown up a disclaimer like Tony Pierce to keep readers wondering about my true intent. But then as Ryan “Hardcore” McGee says it’s not about actual truth, but rather emotional truth. The idea of leaving a piece of me out there for all to see isn’t that difficult, but having to factor in who may be reading my blog at any given moment is.

Those close to me know that I’m the type of person that needs to vent. Good, bad, happy, sad, when I’m feelin’ it I’ll pick up the phone and dial a number. It’s probably the reason I’ve kept in touch with peeps even though the majority of my close friends live several states away. Many of my friends were pen pals back when mail was delivered by the post office and a long distance phone call came with a long distance phone bill. My pen pal ratings tripled once Compuserve came along (that was on a 386 DOS platform using x-modem long before AOL & the Internet kids).

The past few months have been extremely busy for me outside the blogosphere. As I’ve mentioned my weekdays are crammed sunrise past sunset with both work and school. It hasn’t allowed me much time to post, but it’s also affected what I choose to write about. Public recognition for a blog is a two-edged sword. On the one hand it’s great when people come and read your entries, it’s another thing entirely if the subject of an entry takes offense. (Not that I have offended anybody, but you can imagine the ramifications on the job if I posted about the classes I taught and students filed a complaint) The same can be said for any personal relationships. When you’re partying with your family & friends it’s cool to upload the pics and recall events, but airing your dirty laundry or venting can lead to some much larger problems.

Therein lies my content problem. I would have been happy to paint you a mental picture of the two ladies who attended my PhotoShop class only to get caught airbrushing some Chippendales dancers at break. The content fodder on students alone would rival the Tard Blog. Not really appropriate, however funny. It probably would have been therapeutic to vent on domestic issues lately, if for no other reason than to sort through the ramblings in my head. Again, not the best choice towards resolution.

What started out as a way for me to share pics with family & friends has grown into something I hadn’t really planned or anticipated. I thoroughly enjoy the experience that is this blog provides and it has helped me to recapture a love a writing I only experienced once back in the sixth grade. This rekindled feeling has probably heightened my sense of posting anxiety as I try to satisfy myself and the masses.

Recently, I received a lot of positive feedback about this website. Yours truly was picked as this week’s Honorary Hose Monster. Add the compliments by Tony Pierce for my recent photo essay, Rob pimpin’ my new DVD, the props from Ryan “Hardcore” McGee and I feel especially lucky to be recognized by those writers that inspire me to be better at this blogging thing. I’m also thankful for YOU my loyal readers, fellow bloggers, your continued patronage and comments carry over more than you might expect.

Paris Hilton & Rick Salomon: A Photo Essay

When C-Listers CopulateI tried, I really did. I promised you dear readers that I wasn’t going to do it. Well curiosity got the best of me (that and the need for some sort of blog entry) so I sat down and watched the Paris Hilton three minute preview. I won’t attempt a critique, the ladies have said plenty enough for all of us. As usual Rob took the free publicity and spun it into his own brand of humor. I envy the shrewd net savvy of Mr. Perry who like Paul seemed to be all over the story from the start.

The thing that alarms me is night vision video becoming the next big thing. I’m not really interested in seeing anyone no matter how cute or ugly washed over in a green hue. A little searching around the `net and it didn’t take long for me to find some other pics of those looking to be the next girl behind the green door. Wake up America, amateur porn was not meant to be recorded in infrared.

With anticipation brewing over the second Paris Hilton sex video (which is rumored to feature a Playboy playmate), I thought it best to dig up some of the back story surrounding the first video.

It took several days of research, but in the style of Tony Pierce here’s my first ever photo essay on the subject NSFW.

Law Degree

Law Degree
I always wanted a hopped up muscle car when I was younger. I couldn’t afford one. Now I can, and I have one. It’s a ’70 Mustang,and her name is Bessie. Bessie is the proto-typical juvenile, male-caveman, scratch yourself and drink cheap beer car. Chromed engine, dual exhaust, 250 horsepower, big tires.

I’m driving Bessie on Beach Boulevard behind an ancient guy in a beat up truck. He decides to turn in front of me without a blinker. I accelerate to swerve and avoid him, and this crazy, over-aerobicized woman jumps in front of my car with her hand up.

Meet Ethel, the neighborhood busybody/nuisance.

She proceeds to yell in my window, “Hey, slow down you idiot.” I’m a well-bred, mellow guy by nature, so I ignore this. As I drive away, she yells, “Jerk” at me again. Twice?

I turn around and drive up next to her. “Do you have a problem?” I ask.

“Yeah, why are you driving like an idiot?”

“I was driving like an idiot? How, exactly?”

“You were speeding. I watched you.”

“You were? I see. How did you measure my speed?” (Ever the interrogator)

“I heard you.”

“So, you measured my speed by ear?” (Ed. note: The Doppler Effect could be applicable here)

“I can hear.”

“How fast did you HEAR me going?”

“Look,” she says, “I don’t have to take this. Here comes a cop. I’ll wave him down.”

THE POLICE? This woman is a trip. She waves him down, and proceeds to tell him that she observed me speeding. “What happened?” he asks. I told him the story, and told him that I accelerated to an indicated 33 mph (the speed limit is 35) to avoid a collision.

“Are those mufflers legal?” Ethel asks.

She’s pushing it. I reply, “I have a C.A.R.B. exemption for them.” I give the paperwork to the cop. She tries to find another thing to screw me with.

She says, “What about those big tires? They CAN’T be legal.” I began feeling little overheated gears in the back of my head start to turn.

“These tires were available on the 1970 Boss 429,” I told the cop, “Which makes them street legal as a replacement.”

Ethel gets angry. She whines, “So you’re not going to give out any tickets to this jerk?”

The cop says, “No, I am not.” I’ve about had it. So I say, “Sir, this woman told you that she left the street at the corner, and then she met up with my car here. According to Title 39, pedestrians have to cross the street at a right angle. This woman admitted she crossed at a 45-degree angle, which is a ticketable offense.”

“What?” The cop looks confused.

“Also, she told you that she walked in front of my car to stop me. A citizen can’t detain someone without probable cause, under Terry v. Ohio (my new favorite case). Since she couldn’t measure my speed, she had no probable cause to detain me. That is an indictable offense.”

The cop says, “But, I didn’t see any of this.”

“But,” I said, “I did, and, as an officer of the Court, I can demand her arrest. I’ll agree to dismiss the Illegal Detention charge, but I want her cited for not crossing at a right angle and Hazardous Conduct on a Public Street.”

The cop called his Lieutenant, and after the cop told the story, he authorized the summonses. She went home with $215.00 worth of traffic tickets, and they are worth a total of four points against her license, as well as the appropriate insurance surcharge! Of course, if she demands a trial I won’t prosecute. But the look on her face as she walked away was more than enough satisfaction for me.

Yeah, I’ve got a law degree, and I’m not afraid to use it.

Mobloggin’ Mobloggin’…

… we interrupt our regularly scheduled bikini posting to bring you this geek heavy complaint…

Moblogging is a simple enough idea – configure your blogging software to accept posts w/attachments via e-mail and DING! you can update your blog with your cell phone. At least that’s what I thought I’d be doin’ once I got a toy upgrade. Being the autonomous web guy that I am, I wasn’t about to rely on some outside hosting service to put up a moblog. No, I figured I have the savvy & the technology, shouldn’t be a problem.

Unless you consider the need for Procmail filtering on your webhost. Mine doesn’t have that nor do they have any similar mail technology installed. OK, so I did a search for services that would still allow me to keep my moblog on my webserver. Mfop2 looked promising. Setup an account through their service, send your e-mail to them and they’ll route the post to your Movable Type site. Did a test run over the weekend and ended up with this archaic entry. Drat… foiled again.

At the moment I’m more than just a little annoyed. You see, whenever I send an e-mail from my SprintPCS phone with a picture attachment my original message gets encapsulated in an HTML entry that they create. Sure looks pretty for an AOL user, but if I want to send a PLAIN TEXT MESSAGE from my SprintPCS phone I can’t.


If AOL & Sprint insist that Joe Consumer must have technology training wheels fine, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let us tech savvy peeps turn that shit off. As it is, I’ll have to find (or Lord help me write) a script that sifts through the Sprint generated code to find my message & attachment so they’ll post properly. My other option is to have my moblog hosted on a service like Text America or Buzznet, but I could still run into the same Sprint issue.

If you’re an early adopter using the SprintPCS service and you got your moblog workin’ drop this fella a hint please.