by A.J. Wood

Uhm… yes, I feel secure…

Moving on from yesterday. Explain to me again how the nation’s security is so much better post 9-11? Paranoid yes, better MORE efficient? I don’t think so.

Just yesterday in Portland, Maine the airport had to be evacuated because airport screeners mistook a passenger’s flute for a bomb. Apparently the passenger was questioned about the flute then allowed to get on his plane without it. Meantime, the bomb squad had to come and investigate requiring 8 flights and 300 passengers to be evacuated.

I’m missing the part where the passenger didn’t adequately explain inside his bag was A FLUTE. Apparently he was a frequent flyer and while the article is very short I didn’t get any indication that his behavior was suspicious.

I’m reminded of Ben Stiller in Meet The Parents where he says “You mean I can’t say the word ’bomb’? Bomb-ba-bomb-bomb-bomb!” and it gets him thrown off the plane.

I don’t want the government to make me FEEL secure, those efforts end up seeming pretty shallow. Let’s see some steps for security that are proactive not reactive.

Avid readers know I’m not a very good flyer as the last time I had items removed from my possession by an airport screener (a money clip, nail scissors & disposable razor) I kindly reminded him that I was completely capable of killing someone with my bare hands.

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 by A.J. Wood

Friday funnies…

Ryan “Hardcore” McGee is going for the Most Humorous Blog title today.I don’t know which was funnier his assessment of Britney’s waning career or the fact that she makes Justin look like one smart guy. I chuckled at this comment, “Can we just accuse Nicole Ritchie of starting mad cow disease and be done with her?” He also ponders the question “Do strip clubs have gift certificates? If so, what would be the process to redeem them? I think about these things.”

In answer to that question, it’s called a VIP membership. Anyone makes it to Dallas and I’ll hook you up.

Speaking of Britney, looks like Rob got himself another exclusive interview. And Paul managed to get the picture.

Alrighty, I’m off to work now.

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 by A.J. Wood

What would you do for love?

Love is a swift kick in the nuts.

It’s a little bit funny, this feeling inside… oh wait, not my line. The power of love is a scary thing. It conjurs so many different emotional states it is not uncommon to see someone go from a state of bliss to insecure paranoia to jealous rage to joyous relief all in the same breath.

Or am I the only one who does that?

When it comes to relationships I have always approached things in a logical Vulcan manner. Every move is calculated, my pros & cons list is on hand and the 50% rule is generally in effect (If Happiness + Time > 50% then Double-Thumbs Up).

Trouble is planning, guidelines & sanity go out the window when you love somebody. Love is not meant to be rationalized. (This explains Carmen Electra’s time with Dennis Rodman, but is not an excuse for Michael Jackson’s sleeping habits) “Love is a battle, love is war, love IS the ultimate outlaw.”

I wonder, how do we even know we’re in love? Maybe true love has to be tested. Maybe it’s only by moving past the wild-monkey-sex, surviving the routine, enduring the inevitable fights & bickering that you appreciate and learn to understand love.

Love is acceptance. Love doesn’t have good days and bad days. Love isn’t a mood. Love is commitment without hesitation. Love is perfect in “the moment” but there is no perfect love.

Last night I was reminded of how powerful & exhausting love can be. I feel pretty lucky, but then Michelle would tell you I’m blessed….

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 by A.J. Wood

Must be a Monday.

Ever wake up in the middle of the night and immediately stub your toe getting out of bed?

Must be a Monday.

Ever take a whiz in the dark only to have the toilet seat slam down creating a resounding echo that is only muffled by you shouting “Geezus!” because you?ve now pissed on the toilet cover and the floor?

Must be a Monday.

Ever clean up your own pee at 3am?

Must be a Monday.

Ever decide there?s no point going back to bed because you smell like piss so you might as well take a shower and as you?ll be wide awake you might as well fix an early breakfast?

Must be a Monday.

Ever forget that drinking orange juice just after brushing your teeth is a bad idea?

Must be a Monday.

Ever pull up to the drive-through bank teller only to have your window refuse to open because it’s frozen shut?

Must be a Monday.

Ever wish you had just tied your wanker in a knot and stayed in bed?

Good morning loyal readers, join me as I recount the beginnings of my Monday. Not since I?ve lived in Detroit have I experienced weather that can change so dramatically in a matter of hours. All last week the temperature was in the 70?s and by Saturday I had turned on the air conditioning because the weather had become so warm & humid.

This morning the temperature was 25F°. I?m a cold weather person so I really didn?t take notice until I couldn?t open my car window at the bank teller. I couldn?t open my door either (as I was next to the building) so I had to drive around the building to get out of my car and use my driver?s license to unstick my window from the door panel. (TIP #357 for all you fair weather natives). Of course, by the time I pulled back up to the teller there was a line of cars thwarting my attempt to get to work on time.

Successful they were as the line at the bank teller was joined by the confusion that amassed once I left the bank. I say this because surely insanity is the only explanation for waiting three light changes to make my left turn when I was only five cars back from the stoplight. Riding that emotional wave like LSU?s defense car after car kept me from changing lanes or moving anywhere close to the posted speed limit of 55MPH once I was on the tollway. As I sat in traffic I had flashes of Office Space and said “No, I don?t want to be that guy.” unless of course I get the dating Jennifer Aniston perks.

Arriving at the office I stood in the elevator full of people waiting to get off on the 4th floor. I couldn?t help but begin mumbling incoherently as we stopped on the second floor, the third floor and then the 7th floor followed by the 12th floor.

It helps if you actually remember to push the button for your floor, but then it is a Monday…. *chuckle*

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